Cover Story – South African hockey captain: What changed my game!

’I am a firstborn girl child with two younger brothers and a half-sister. They are my favourite people in the world!’ smiles Phumelela. ‘I also recently married my best friend – we went to the same high school and reconnected during COVID.’

Because of her busy life, Phumelela doesn’t have many hobbies, but loved reading as a child. ‘It was my favourite thing to do,’ she says. ‘But it was an intentional hobby.’

After moving from Umtata in the Eastern Cape to Pietermaritzburg, Phumelela felt lost. ‘I moved to a predominantly white school in Grade 4 and I couldn’t relate to most things culturally because I was from a very different background.’

To assimilate to her new surroundings, Phumelela started reading whatever she could lay her hands on. At the time, she felt unfamiliar with everything around her. ‘To this day, if I don’t know something, I will look it up. I don’t want to ever again not be able to participate in the conversation because I don’t know what everyone is talking about. Reading changed my entire experience!’

At Lynford, her new school in Pietermaritzburg, it was compulsory for all learners to play a sport. ‘I participated in everything and started playing hockey in Grade 5. I’d never even heard of the sport before, but I saw the ball and decided I would be the goalkeeper,’ she laughs.

She describes sport as something she latched on to from a young age. ‘I think when I found something I was good at, I went for it.’ This is the way she has always lived her life.

Initially, Phumelela struggled academically. ‘In Grade 6 I realised I was actually a smart kid, so I decided I was going to be really smart!’

The better she got at hockey and academics, the harder she worked to excel. ‘In Grade 9 I realised I could take hockey very far, so I joined a club team. This was the first time I decided to go for it.’ She made the SA under-16 squad the following year and went to the Youth Olympics in America in her matric year.

Phumelela never put her academics on the back burner. ‘I was really bad at accounting in Grade 9. I hadn’t conceptualised the subject. I was just memorising things,’ she explains.

She was, however, always good at maths. ‘I remember one day I was walking with my parents in town, and they asked me what I wanted to become. All I knew was that I enjoyed maths, so someone suggested becoming an accountant.’

She realised if she wanted to make a career out of accounting, she would have to take it more seriously. ‘I made a concerted effort and started getting it. Because I was a Top 10 academic student and a sport student, I was very conscious of people’s eyes on me and felt the pressure.’

Phumelela persevered and received an academic bursary from PwC, as well as a sports bursary to pay for her accommodation at the University of Pretoria. She has been playing for the South African hockey team since 2013, when she was only 19.

It was imperative to find a balance between the incredible demands of being a professional sportsperson and the harrowing pressures of completing her accounting qualification. The first year of University was incredibly hard for Phumelela. ‘I really just cruised in the first year. I focused on my hockey and failed my major.’

This setback did not derail her plans. She just started planning better. ‘I was living my dream and decided I was just going to be a really good hockey player. I was smart, so I thought accounting would come naturally. But it didn’t and I realised I need to be intentional about what I do.’

She had discussions with her coaches and lecturers and although many weren’t sure she could pull off being successful in both sport and academics, they were very supportive. She also coached hockey for six hours a week to make ends meet. Being the driven person she is, Phumelela made it work.

In 2016 Phumelela took a sabbatical from international hockey to complete her CTO, losing her sport scholarship. PwC gave her a full academic scholarship in her honours year, and she started with her articles there in 2017.

Three months into her sabbatical, Phumelela realised she was not doing well without hockey. ‘I was so used to having a limited amount of time and being really productive. When I suddenly had all the time in the world, I became very unproductive. It was a nightmare,’ she admits.

She started training again but took control of her schedule. Luckily her coaches were very accommodating. Her team competed at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, where Phumelela had the honour of being South Africa’s flag-bearer.

These days, Phumelela is an audit manager at PwC. ‘I must say, this has been the hardest year to balance everything because I have a lot more responsibility at work and it was also a World Cup and a Commonwealth Games year.’

As a manager, Phumelela became acutely aware of the burden of leaving her colleagues behind to take over her work. ‘This has been the most challenging in terms of participating in hockey. It’s not great to walk away from the (work) team.’

The pressure of the world of accounting is something she is acutely aware of. ‘I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s the nature of our South African qualification,’ she explains. ‘You specialise in auditing, or finance or tax to qualify as a CPA, but it’s just a stepping stone to your qualification.’

’In the Netherlands (where I did a secondment), for example, if you choose to be an auditor, that’s the route you take for the rest of your life, so people are a lot more invested in the time that they’re spending as article clerks because this is the career for life. In turn, employers also want to invest in these people.’

She feels the situation is quite different in South Africa. ‘Employers don’t necessarily invest time and effort in clerks, because they are probably not going to stay anyway.’

The opposite side of the coin is also true. ‘Trainees just want to get their qualifications and get out. I think that creates a toxic relationship that makes it incredibly difficult for a sustainable healthy work environment.’
’Once you are at managerial level and you’ve chosen your career path, it becomes easier to be more intentional about work and changing the environment you are working in.

’It’s not going to get better until we are all intentionally trying to change it at any level. Part of the difficulty lies in working with deadlines. We try to get good results, but with a limited amount of time and maximising efficiency from a financial perspective. It all plays a factor. But the environment could be kinder if everyone had the same big picture in mind. It is a systemic problem.’

Although Phumelela herself had a great article experience, she has started struggling since becoming a manager. ‘I have my own mental health struggles and I know so many people struggle with it in the workplace – suffering from depression and anxiety.’

‘A lot of CAs(SA) have been the smartest people in the room for most of their lives. But the qualification journey is extremely tumultuous, and people experience it differently. Failure is normalised. It becomes the standard and you start holding yourself back. When you finally make it, you start wondering whether you belong.’

This feeling of being an imposter makes it difficult for CAs to admit they are struggling. ‘It’s such a competitive environment and you’re dealing with the best of the best. You don’t want to seem like you’re not managing.’
‘The point is, the audit space could be a lot happier and better if there was a concerted effort from both the top and the bottom to make it a better experience and environment.’

Throughout her life, Phumelela has been trying to overachieve. ‘I think I’ve always had ‘imposter syndrome’ – I don’t belong. Someone is going to call me out for not being good enough. I struggle with it on the hockey field as well,’ she admits, even though she has recently been nominated as the best international goalkeeper.

It took Phumelela a long time to realise she had a problem, and she has recently started seeing a psychologist. ‘I’ve realised the same thing that drives me – whether my drive for success, starting to work to support my family, or people saying I can’t – is also what cripples me.’

As a result, Phumelela is once again on a hockey sabbatical. ‘I needed this year to regroup because it all became a bit overwhelming,’ she admits.

Some days it is still difficult for her to motivate herself to get out of bed. ‘I feel like I am going to fail at what I am trying to do.’ This is why she decided to take some time for introspection.

Since she has started getting help, things are much better. ‘I would 150% encourage people to get help. It’s been a game-changer in my life. This year I have realised I do not need to suffer. Life doesn’t have to be so hard. These days I can wake up and face the day.’

Her employers have, however, been extremely encouraging and supportive throughout her hockey journey so far.

As an article clerk, Phumelela did not earn a lot and hockey is not a professional sport in South Africa, and therefore unpaid. ‘Sometimes we have to pay participation fees. My employer often put their hand up to assist me,’ she says gratefully.

In 2021 Phumelela had outstanding debt from varsity participation fees. ‘I’ve been trying to pay it off and got to a point where I’d been banned from participating in a tournament that I needed to participate in to be eligible to be selected for the national team.’

PwC settled her debt. ‘They have been really good to me, so this year I’ve decided to focus on my work.’
The future is still a bit uncertain. ‘I committed to the Commonwealth Games in August. That is what I discussed with my husband. I’m reassessing, but I’m not sure what the future looks like.’

Phumelela decided to take a step back for the time being. ‘I have given a lot of my heart to hockey for a long time. I think I’ve achieved all the goals I set out for myself. I’ve done everything my heart wanted to do.’
These past few months have been important for her to do introspection and see her life in a different life.

‘Hockey and accounting have been a big part of it for so long. But now I have a husband and we have plans for our future. It’s not just about me anymore. So, I’m trying to figure out what I want to pursue. I want to get comfortable and happy in my current life, and then I’ll see from there.’

Phumelela has recently been named as one of Mail & Guardian’s Top 200 young South Africans. ‘It was an incredible honour, because I come from very humble beginnings,’ she smiles.

A lot of what she has achieved happened because the people around her rooted for her. ‘They have invested time, effort, and money in me. I think I am the epitome of what opportunity can do for a young South African child.’

Her dream is to provide others with the same opportunities to be able to achieve a career that can sustain them for life. ‘Once I’ve settled in the next phase of my life, I would love to contribute to society in a way that allows young kids opportunities. If I never moved to Pietermaritzburg, I would never have had these opportunities. My life would have gone in a completely different direction. I just wonder how many other kids are missing out on those opportunities.’

Author
Marteli Brewis